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My daughter and her family moved back to the States after nine years in Europe. She and the kids stayed with us for about three weeks while their house was getting ready outside of Chicago. Her husband would drive here on weekends. We also hosted lots of “overnights” with the two local grandkids, so the house was always fun and busy. It was always loud and messy too, and now they everyone has cleared out, it still seems messy.
I forgot to mention that we also had the dog. Now Bella is a sweet well-behaved long-haired dachshund, and no problem, but we just are not used to having a dog. She likes to play, and if you don’t want to play, she mopes and whines. In fact, she behaves very much like the other grandkids.
The memories you make with your family are what I feel gives you the strength to deal with another big part of life: funerals. No one outside of a few characters in novels, like Stephanie Plum’s Grandma Mauzer, actually enjoys funerals, but good memories can help make them bearable. Along with all the activities and family togetherness, this has been a summer of funerals for us. Some were in our family and others were in friends families.
My two children had to fly out to Colorado when their father (George is their stepfather) unexpectedly died. They drove back to Winona with his ashes. Years and years ago, when their dad and I were married, we would drive back from Colorado to Winona with the kids in the back of the truck or car. This time, the kids drove back to Winona with him in an urn in the back. I think he would have liked the symmetry of that act. His family had a small private fishing ceremony, talked and laughed, shared stores and memories, and drank to his life.
My Uncle Al died just last week. He spent the past two years fighting cancer, so his death was not unexpected, but it was still sad. The funeral was in Rushford and well attended by friends and relatives. It was a family reunion of sorts as I ran into so many of my cousins that I had not seen in ages. What was great was that we all had some wonderful memories of Uncle Al and told each other about them. We all had gotten to ride in his Model T cars, and he had a way of making each one of us feel special. Personally, I still think I was his favorite, but then several of my family members feel that way. What a great legacy that is to leave behind you … how you made people, children especially, feel that they were important and special to you. Thanks, Uncle Al!
A friend’s nephew died suddenly. He was only 31 and died from a heart attack. He was a busy, active, good and well loved young man who was also the city administrator of Onalaska. This left his uncle stunned and wondering, “Why?” Why this young man? I hope the family has stored up some good memories and good times to think about while they come to grips with his death. I heard he was a go-getter, whose motto was “Go hard or go home!” And it seems to me that is just what he did, he lived hard and large and then went home.
No matter if you are sprinkled over your favorite fishing spot, saluted by a band or your remains are placed in a Red Wing pottery jug, the family and friends gather and they talk. They can be fishing off a pier or having coffee and cake in the church basement. They share stories and memories, and in that act of remembering, create new ones.
The best thing we can do is be there for your family and be there for our friends. Not just in times of sadness, but everyday. Create the memories now that will last a lifetime. Someday, we will all need them.
Carol Borzyskowski lived in the Colorado Rockies for 10 years but is happy and content to remain in Winona now until the lights go out. Carol has two children, four grandchildren and is married to George Borzyskowski (yes, the one on the city council). She works at the public library and co-edits and co-produces the literary magazine, Main Channel Voices.
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